Its been a couple weeks since I've posted. I am 5 weeks post op now. Time is a blur. Day after day of doing nothing. My life seems to have no purpose right now. Most of my day is spent wishing it were bedtime so I could just get into bed and sleep away the boredom. I hate recovery.
Most of this talk is probably spurred by my withdrawal symptoms. I finished my Percocet a couple days ago and had to switch to the Norco. Turns out emotionally I am having some pretty killer withdrawal. Physically I am okay. I may have a little nausea here and there, but mostly what I'm battling is anxiety attacks and depression. I am naturally an emotional person, so having all this extra on top of my regular rollercoaster of emotions is a bit much. It's not a good feeling to not be in control of what's going on inside your head. I know I have no reason to be sad or upset right now. I am comfortable at home with my dog and my fiance and I am recovering from a serious surgery. There is no shame in that. And yet I kind of feel like Rapunzel. I'm trapped in my little tower and I'm being prevented from seeing and doing so much. It may sound sad but I don't remember what it's like to feel occupied and happy. Even though I try to visit family and have friends over and stuff... Ugh.
I don't know what I'm saying. Jon is out getting me a movie so I can have something to occupy my time. I'm just so bored, I feel like my brain is melting out my ears. I hate this. I have no more joy or spirit. This surgery has officially sucked everything out of me.
Bent (and feeling kinda broken),