Its been a couple weeks since I've posted. I am 5 weeks post op now. Time is a blur. Day after day of doing nothing. My life seems to have no purpose right now. Most of my day is spent wishing it were bedtime so I could just get into bed and sleep away the boredom. I hate recovery.
Most of this talk is probably spurred by my withdrawal symptoms. I finished my Percocet a couple days ago and had to switch to the Norco. Turns out emotionally I am having some pretty killer withdrawal. Physically I am okay. I may have a little nausea here and there, but mostly what I'm battling is anxiety attacks and depression. I am naturally an emotional person, so having all this extra on top of my regular rollercoaster of emotions is a bit much. It's not a good feeling to not be in control of what's going on inside your head. I know I have no reason to be sad or upset right now. I am comfortable at home with my dog and my fiance and I am recovering from a serious surgery. There is no shame in that. And yet I kind of feel like Rapunzel. I'm trapped in my little tower and I'm being prevented from seeing and doing so much. It may sound sad but I don't remember what it's like to feel occupied and happy. Even though I try to visit family and have friends over and stuff... Ugh.
I don't know what I'm saying. Jon is out getting me a movie so I can have something to occupy my time. I'm just so bored, I feel like my brain is melting out my ears. I hate this. I have no more joy or spirit. This surgery has officially sucked everything out of me.
Bent (and feeling kinda broken),
Robin
I've just read your entire blog posts and your story is VERY inspiring!
ReplyDeleteI have an 80 degrees scoliosis myself and always been terrified from the idea of having a surgery.
I'm looking harder and trying to find alternative solutions and I have even pushed my orthopedic surgeon appointment a bit further :/
I like your motto Bent but not broken! :)
I am glad my blog gives you something to relate to! 80 degrees is pretty severe for scoliosis. It is normal to be afraid of the idea of surgery (I was terrified too!) but you have to remember that it is a small period of pain and discomfort that pays off to give you a better life for many years to come. I hope you are able to get your surgery or that you can find a treatment that works for you. Check out my latest entry, I posted my new x-rays so you can see all my metalwork and what my spine looks like now after surgery. :)
DeleteYea you do look like a half robot now! lol. Pretty cool! :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Driving, swimming and doing cardio definitely means that your surgery was a total success! :)
Reading your blog helped reduce my fear by at least 60%!
Last Friday was my appointment with the spinal surgeon and surprisingly, he said that I don't need surgery!! and that he hopes he never sees me again!
He mentioned though at some point in the future I might have back pain, but he also said he can't perform a surgery on me based on a possibility of having future back pain...
I'd like to think that this is a good news... and I might start seeing a Schroth method specialist/PT.
Keep us posted!!